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All I Ever Really Seem To Say

by Loes van Schaijk

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Comes with a booklet that includes the lyrics & credits to all the songs, beautiful artwork by Helena Čubová, and photography by Jan Polívka.

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1.
LYRICS: Could it be that the grass is really greener here? Is it just me, or are the stars a little brighter? But when I'm here and when you're with me Everything is just so much lighter Well I've never known just how to let a good thing be And I've never known just how to let a good thing go But as you cannot hold on to a waterfall The only thing to do is let it flow Everything's gonna be alright Cause it's already pretty fine today Everything's gonna be alright And my heart is turning a lighter shade of grey Now I start to see I'll never really understand As I immerse myself into this neverending stream Oh it’s up to you to let me be a stranger or to take my hand And with three different languages I try to express What I cannot even say in my mother tongue Sometimes I just want to close my eyes And capture the moment in a song Everything's gonna be alright Cause it's already pretty fine today Everything's gonna be alright And my heart is turning a lighter shade of grey And I will keep on dreaming And I will keep on trying Even though sometimes I get so tired I can smile as I am crying Everything's gonna be alright Cause it's already pretty fine today Everything's gonna be alright And my heart is turning a lighter shade of grey
2.
LYRICS: A toad the power mower caught A toad the power mower caught Chewed and clipped of a leg With a hobbling hop has got to the garden verge And the cineraria leaves gave him Sanctuary in the shade With the ashen heartshaped leaves In a dim, in a low, in a final glade Day dwindles, drowning, and at length is gone In the wide and antique eyes that still appear To watch the daylight steer His original heartsblood goes Spends on the earthen hide In the folds and wizenings Flows in the gutters of the banked and staring eyes He lies as still as if he would return to stone As still as if he would return to stone And soundlessly attending, he dies Toward some deep monotone Toward misted and ebullient seas Toward the cooling shores Toward lost Amphibia's emperies
3.
LYRICS: I don't remember what I said, or what did I do wrong To make you pack your things and move along My patience has come to an end You've broken more than I can mend If you look for me tomorrow, I'll be gone When you close the door behind you Please don't think of coming back for more Maybe someone else can mind you As soon as you know what you're looking for What are you looking for? You are moving the objects that stand in your way Now you're picking up the pieces But there's less of them every day It's the same thing, you're never satisfied But you'll never know how perfect love can be Until you've tried Many days and many nights I listened to you moan That you'd be better off on your own You follow what you want to find But if you do, you change your mind Scared to death of ending up alone Things will get much clearer If you dare to give your heart away If you just let me get nearer I might wanna try it for another day Let's try, what do you say?
4.
LYRICS: Het is als eb en vloed, al zolang als ik je ken En om de zoveel tijd het springgetij En omdat je denkt dat ik jouw Deltawerken ben Keert je storm zich het hevigst tegen mij Als de deuren in de trein sla je soms op hol Wagenwijd open, dan te lang op slot Dit soort mankementen eisen op den duur hun tol Wie geen geduld meer heeft die slaat de ruit kapot Om het te begrijpen hoef je echt geen fysicus te zijn Als je niet wil groeien, kom op meid, dan blijf je altijd klein Als een kat in het nauw sla jij je klauwen in mijn huid En je wil dat ik je nooit verlaat Maar met die nagels klim je er zelf maar lekker uit Kom op meid, dat is nu eenmaal hoe het gaat Om iets voor te schrijven hoef je echt geen medicus te zijn Als je niet wil bloeden moet je beter wennen aan de pijn Om het te begrijpen hoef je echt geen fysicus te zijn Als je niet wil groeien, kom op meid, dan blijf je altijd klein
5.
LYRICS: Oh my lovely, don't you be ashamed to cry Oh my lovely, don't go hiding what is true Better days will come again, like you have seen a few And I will stand beside you, I'll be right behind you, My lovely, I will mind you till they do Like the seafaring folk in the olden days at night Set out the endless darkness to explore There are those brave enough to go searching for the light And those brave enough to stay behind and keep a lookout on the shore If you're feeling frail and spent and you're lamenting it's too late That you've either missed your calling or you failed Remember what you told me once when I was in this state You can always take the next train when you realize the ship's already sailed
6.
LYRICS: I don't remember what day it was when I first heard the news That the fog was thick and the girl was dead and the trucker's got the blues And a line appeared above my eyes on the day that she was killed If everything happens for a reason then I have no reasoning skills So I put my sadness up for sale, now the bidding can begin But if no one takes an interest, I must store it all within If the story written on my face is the passing by of time Then the passing on of people can be read between the lines If death comes knocking on my door, he can use the waiting room Cause my traveling shoes don't fit me yet and I won't be leaving soon But the markings on my face will tell me when it's time to go If there's no more room for sorrow, I will know, I will know
7.
LYRICS: I visit her every night at nine She greets me politely and asks for wine I check the room to see if she's eaten on time I ask her how her day has been She doesn't remember and I need to wipe her chin I see cigars on the table, wonder how they got in My sister remembers the house by the lake And all the winter days that we spent catching snow flakes She remembers the secret hole that we made in the old oak tree I step forty years back in time every second I spend in her company She's a living museum of our personal history Her walls are filled with picture frames Of family and friends, including their names To guess who's who is one of our games She's not allowed to go outside I have the key but I don't tell her where I hide it She'd take it if she could and believe me she's tried it She thinks I'm the nurse or the maid And she frowns when I tell her my name Cause the me she knows is twelve years old And in her head will always stay the same My sister remembers the candy we bought And the candy we stole and the time we got caught She remembers the skipping rope songs The words and the melody But it's so hard to accept that now that I've gone old and grey She just cannot recognize the sister she sees her today And while being so close she has never been further away
8.
9.
LYRICS: The ship set to sail when the weather allowed But blue skies are clouded in memories now For the sorrowful widow who mourned for the sailor who drowned She committed herself to the plan Of vengeance on that which had murdered her man So she took on the ocean with her bare hands And had to surrender again And I am the ocean And the tide gives and takes And if you've lost your heart to the whims of the sea Please don't blame it on me I am no sea of tears, I am no mystery I hold no treasure deep promised by poetry That's lost on me When she was found near the cliffs on the shore No sailors ever set sail anymore And they stayed on the island to honor the girl they adored Till the day when the storm came to town And powerful winds forced the villagers down And still to this day if they hear but a sound They find themselves pinned to the ground And I am a rain cloud And the air goes its way If you're looking for justice or sympathy Don't expect it from me I am no ray of light, I don't have my answers right I am no painted sky or gate to the by and by I'll deliver your messages day and night In a bottle or held by a dove in flight I will carry your vessels to anywhere And I'll always be there
10.
LYRICS: Well I don't really believe that people change that much in one lifespan It would be naive to think that if evolution can't do it, you can Everybody's got a different heaven and everybody wants to get there But we were all dumped into the same boat and we've got to row it somewhere Row, row, row Don't even think of going up the stream Row, row, row You know it's my boat too, my life, my dream Row, row, row Let the wind the blow in your back and let yourself be Flown, flown, flown Gently to the world's end There's a man clutching his guitar, he just came back from New Orleans He says: "Everybody I met there has been stealing my music it seems" And there's a girl lying flat on her back and she's floating on the water She says: "I don't feel the need to be a female version of my father" And if there's a prize that we're reaching for Who says it won't weigh the whole boat down Until someone dives all the way to the bottom We'll never know if there's a danger of drowning
11.
LYRICS: Well the guru told me 4 am is the best time in morning to rise You gotta clean your house and then yourself and splash water into your eyes And rinse your nose with salt, not too much and not too little, before you begin With pranayama and asanas, meditation, chanting mantras Being mindful of everything Well the self-help-book-guy told me to adopt a caveman diet And it's true that I could shed a few so I thought that I should try it Just 3 small meals a day should make a person feel real good Too bad that I spend most of my time hallucinating about food And now I'm so tired, I'm weary and worn I'm so lonesome and so forlorn But I know if I just work a little harder at being all that I can be One of these days, one of these days Good things are gonna come to me Well my girls they told me to forget about you, to cut the ties and move along That it's no use pining for some kind of silver lining, to file it under "love gone wrong" But when I listen to Tony singing he's so lonely and Rhonda can't quit that old booze Then I do feel like I'm meant to try to win you back again And if I lose, just let me lose And now I'm so tired, I'm weary and worn I'm so lonesome and so forlorn And if history repeats itself Then likely, probably, I'm gonna beat myself up for being myself Until the good Lord sets me free!
12.
LYRICS: I promised you a waltz but I could not close the deal Because words could not do justice just to how you made me feel Now that I threw that all away these words keep ringing in my ear You were the light of my life, my dearest dear All I ever really seem to say is "sorry" But what does "sorry" really do to ease your pain? So take this waltz, and take my tears, Walk away and find yourself a new dear And if you ever need me, I'll be here My dearest dear Now if you happen to find your match who lights a fire in your soul Rest assured she'll be inspected by the one who lost it all And if she ever does you any harm, well, this I promise you This sorry waltz will become a murder ballad too I've been told I'm self-destructive, and if it's true, then it's a curse Because there's always collateral damage and that only makes it worse Cause how can I watch you suffer when I want to keep you near? You kept me safe, but now it's time to save you, dear
13.
LYRICS: The fox went camping with the grizzly bear The queen was wondering what to wear The mice were playing truth or dare While the cat was patiently waiting The knights tied a kayak to a banged up car The eagle cried it didn't want to fly far The owl didn't know how to open the jar While the grown-ups were debating I'm very sorry sir, but you are wasting your time I'm just here to teach your neighbor's children grammar I know a guy in Arizona, but you'll have more luck online Because cacti do not grow in Alabama Four-eyed Freddy had a blue cadillac The sleepy snail got a midnight snack The lovesick turtle had a pigeon on its back While the aliens were invading Bob the accountant has robot arms The inquisitive moose collects lucky charms Eloquent Ed buys fifty farms While the Vikings are out parading Because cacti do not grow, not as far as I know, oh Cacti do not grow in Alabama
14.
LYRICS: I was 21 and so was he We were like the grass we laid on Oh my word so young and green I thought the sun would never set As he lit up my cigarette Oh my word I could have been A little wiser, a bit more careful Before I knew it, I was helpless in his arms His eyes made promises he couldn't keep But we both cried "yes" before we fell asleep His father cursed, my mother prayed When we told them the mistake we made Oh my word, you had to go My mother said I'd go to Hell And for each of us a prison cell Oh my word, we didn't know Which life to risk, which rules to follow Before I knew it, you were helpless in my arms And the suits made promises they wouldn't keep But we voted "yes" and now we're in too deep And now we think it's great that you are here We didn't get no welcome mat ourselves, my little dear There are worse things in the world, so don't be wasteful with your tears Turn your frown upside down and get your dad another beer
15.
LYRICS: May you always know when to begin Bass player, don’t rush in May you find a steady beat and keep it going Bass player, don’t rush in May you always know when the song’s about to end It’s on you to see that everyone gets home safely May you always have one more song to sing Lone songsmith, please take care May you always pack an extra set of strings Lone songsmith, please take care May you always know when your batteries run low It’s on you to see that everyone can sleep soundly May you always feel like you’re spoken to Kind stranger, this song’s for you May my music give you comfort when you’re blue Kind stranger, this song’s for you And if you ever feel you’re isolated from the world Think back on these days when we all were And I was still with you And if it ever seems there’s no reason to rhyme Close your eyes and you will find the music there within you

about

All I Ever Really Seem To Say is the singer-songwriter equivalent of a single malt Speyside whisky: neat, pure, with a strong flavor of its own and a slightly sweet aftertaste.

Key words for the album’s production were minimalism and authenticity. Sources of inspiration were Tim O’Brien’s quintessential solo album Chameleon on which the singer seems to “crawl into your ear,” Paul Simon’s Graceland with its rhythmic interplay of words and instruments, and Karine Polwart’s style of singing that is utterly devoid of diva-ism.

The songs on All I Ever Really Seem To Say deal with topics such as abortion, self-help fads and well-intended but inappropriate advice, solidarity among musicians and audiences during covid lockdown, the death of a toad, the thrill of wandering and yearning for a home, and her tendency to overuse the word “sorry.”

credits

released November 27, 2021

Artwork by Helena Čubová

Produced by Loes van Schaijk and Ondra Kozák
Mix and mastering by Ondra Kozák
Recorded at Studio Ataman (Czech Republic)
Violin, whistles and bouzouki for tracks 5 and 6 recorded at Studio Miller (The Netherlands)

All music and lyrics written by Loes except Death of a Toad (poem by Richard Wilbur), Love can Be (music by Michal Barok), Kom Op, Meid! (music by Eeva Talsi, original lyrics by Kristiina Ehin), The Wind and the Water (music by Tim de Man), The Cactus Connection (lyrics co-written with Andrew Walker Hall).

Loes plays a Collings D1A Custom guitar (2012), a bodhrán handcrafted by Brendan White, and a double bass made by István Ordog (1972).

Special guests:
Ondra Kozák: Guitar (8-11) / Mandolin (3) / Violin (4, 12), Harmony vocals (10)
Radek Vaňkát: Dobro (1)
Petr Brandejs: Banjo (13)
Honza Bartošek: Violin (7, 13), Harmony vocals (10)
Joram Peeters: Violin (5), Whistles (5)
Arthur Deighton: Bouzouki (5, 6)

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Loes van Schaijk Prague, Czechia

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